Why, why, oh why, must it be -
present conflict, tension with another,  
catapults me back to a time past,
a time filled with tension, conflict,
anxiety, the sensation of being chased,
locked-in, trapped in a pitch black,
windowless  corridor, no doors to escape?

Feelings of helplessness, not knowing
what to do, to let the tension escape
from my head, my body. The massive
eruption in my brain, my body bombarded,
brutally pounded, pumped with tension,
compressed and weighted down.

 

Great need to bash my head
against a solid wall, desperate
to relief the ever pounding pain,
the trembling components of my
brain. The great desire to shred
my body apart, releasing a mob
of creepy crawlies, stampeding,
deep, deep under my skin.

Why, why, oh why must the conflict,
the tension, the dark door-less room,
experience of flash backs of my youth,
continue to violate my mind, yet again
trapped in this time, in my mind,
powerless to focus on the immediate,
the current, the things I want to achieve.

Why, why, oh why, must
these episodes evade my mind
at random moments, without warning,
distracting from the current, taking me
right back to a time, a place, I do not
want to go? A time, a place that is over,
a time, a place that can't be changed!
What a waste; of time, energy, and
mind-space. So wish, I could erase it,  
never to be sucked back there,
time and time again!
Why, why, oh why, must I not
just let go, leave the past in the
past, where it belongs? Scratch it
from my mind, turn it off , never
have it replay, over and over,
like a video, across the face
of my mind, never have it invade
mind-space, needed for the here,
the now, ever, ever again!

© 2015 Lise Marron